maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets. -arthur miller


9021Oh my GOD.

My love for 90210 knows no bounds, and is generally only increased with the absurdity of the plotlines and characters (all even better relived in reruns). By that measure, the episode I watched this morning might be the best one of all, despite it being a total in-between episode where nothing happens.

It's the one where Valerie Might Have AIDS, after sleeping (last episode) with a heroin-addicted photographer with seriously cartoony track marks on his arms that she somehow didn't notice when they had sex and were, you know, naked together. So Valerie goes out with dumb, ugly Noah and falls off a wall and gets a scrape and then flips out when Noah goes near her POSSIBLY AIDS-RIDDEN blood. As part of this magical plotline, David tries to beat Noah up, which is hiiiilarious.

Speaking of Noah, I don't think there is any actor anywhere who looks quite so stupid. Dude perpetually looks like he just got hit in the face with an oak plank and is seeing stars. Plus, he's dating Donna in her red hair phase, which...blech. So this week Donna somehow can't figure out how to get out of the way of a moving car, and her life is "saved" by the British chef whose name I don't remember, and he insists that to pay him back for saving her she has to go on a date with him to make his (witchy-looking) ex jealous. So in the in-between theme, nothing happens between Donna and whatshisname, except the creepy "I Dream of Jeanie"-you-saved-my-life-can-I-fan-you-with-palm fronds? dynamic.

It's also the episode before Brandon and Kelly don't get married. They write each other the worst, ugliest vows ever. Kelly actually wants to use a poem by Deborah Harry in hers. Blondie, people. In her WEDDING VOWS. That's a big, blinking, Times Square billboard that you shouldn't get married. Plus, at this point they've been engaged like four seperate times. Just choose yourself again, ok Kel?

And then there's Steve, who is just a walking pickup line. Even when he's in love with the married chick (who I think went to an acting school where the only things she learned was to e-nun-ci-ate. Without emoting, which I guess I understand when dating Steve Sanders.) Steve? Barf. Just barf.

For an episode where nothing actually happens, it was pretty good. Not every episode can have an almost-wedding, and HIV test, and three breakups. I think tomorrow's might though, so I'll be watching.


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